


Loki, Son of Frigga.

by nyoomshrug



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Frigga Deserves Better, Frigga is a Good Mom, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki Angst, Some Thor bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 11:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18964015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyoomshrug/pseuds/nyoomshrug
Summary: Based on ‘Monster’ by Imagine Dragons.





	Loki, Son of Frigga.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on my phone, so i apologise for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes.  
> Also i’m probably very late to do something like with with the exact same song, but i got bored so uh, yeah, here.  
> This is also my view on Loki’s story line and arc. Like how he felt about everything going on, i definitely tried to stay on the actual plot tho.

_Ever since i can remember,_  
_Everything inside of me,_  
_Just wanted to fit in.(oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh)_

Loki has always looked up to his older brother, always. Even if he was in the shadows of his brother. The younger always wanted to be like him. He even went along with the older’s brash and idiotic plans, protesting before giving in. He also always wanted his fathers approval, he wanted to be a son Odin could be proud of. He wanted Odin to be proud to have him as a son, That approval never came. No matter how _hard_ he tried, Odin never seemed to congratulate him. He always seemed to get in trouble and suffer the consequences of his so called wrong doings.

The only person who he genuinely thought cared about him at all times was Frigga, his mom. She was the one to talk Odin out of his harsh punishments. Loki didn’t know if he should be thankful or not. He didn’t know if he actually deserved her kindness, he didn’t know if he deserved the consequences. He was pretty sure he did deserve them. 

 

 

 

_I never one for pretenders,_  
_Everything I tried to be,_  
_Just wouldn’t settle in. (oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh)_

Liar, God of Mischief, Ergi, Silvertongue. These were all nicknames given to him. Even when he told the truth. Albeit the nicknames weren’t exactly nice . The insults were constantly thrown at him. Because he was different, he wasn’t a strong warrior like Thor, he ‘never’ told the truth, he wasn’t the golden child. No, he was sly, good at twisting words. Good with magic. Different from the other male warriors. He was good at manipulation, lying, however that skill always got him in a dilemma. He always somehow, got punished.

Since young, he was always the odd one out. Always the last to be chosen. No one wanted to be around him, not a single soul. Apart from his mother and Thor, but even then, Thor got annoyed at his shadow. In addition, even if Thor tried to get Loki involved, saying Sif and the Warriors Three were also his friends. They were not. It was blatantly obvious that they didn’t like Loki. They would also jest and call names. They were never his friends, only his brothers. Loki was always unsure as to why his brother could not see that.

 

 

 

_If i told you what i was,_  
_Would you turn your back on me,_  
_And if i seem dangerous,_  
_Would you be scared?_  
_I get the feeling just because,_  
_Everything I touch isn’t dark enough,_  
_If the problem lies in me._

Finding out that he was a Jötunn was one thing, finding out that he was Laufey’s son was another. It hurt, but it all made sense. It made sense that Odin would treat him differently. He was never his son, no, he was just a war price, a trinket, and Odin has no use for him. He was treated different because he _was_. He _was_ a monster, in his own eyes and he was sure he was in his families too. She decided to cast them out before they could do the same to him. 

He hated how they hid everything from him. He hated that he didn’t know sooner, how it was kept a secret, how he found out in quite possibly the worst way. He hated how everything fit in place, how he knew that this was most likely the reason he was treated differently. Why he was never like the golden child. Odin did not care for a Jötunn, not at all. 

 

 

 

_I’m only a man with a candle to guide me,_  
_I’m taking a stand to escape what’s inside me,_  
_A monster, a monster,_  
_I’ve turned into a monster,_  
_A monster, a monster,_  
_And it keeps getting stronger._

He tried to destroy Jötunnheim. Wether it was to prove that he was not a monster or to prove his worth to his so called father, he didn’t know. Both even? All he knew was that he wanted to prove something. And to prove that? Well, he lied to both sides. He lied to Thor, it was so he wouldn’t get in the way, saying that Odin had passed. He lied to Laufey, telling him he can kill the king in Odin sleep. He was sly. Sif and the Warriors Three thought something was up, and when they went to find Thor, he was glad. They wouldn’t get in his way

Laufey got close. Close to killing Odin. Loki killed him before that tho. Frigga was thankful, but she didn’t know the truth, what his plan was. Thor came back before he go through with his plan. The older destroyed the Bifrost, even tho that meant that he couldn’t see Jane. Loki let go and fell into the void tho, he let go of Gungnir when him and Thor were just barely hanging onto the Bifrost. If Odin hadn’t grabbed ahold of Thor’s cloak, both of them would have fallen.

He didn’t care for the distraught face’s that watched him fall. He _failed_ so many times and he didn’t want to suffer from this failure, he didn’t want to deal with his father, no, he didn’t want to deal with Odin and his lectures, his disappointment. He couldn’t face any of them after that, and the events that happened beforehand. He didn’t want to face his family now that he knew what he was.

 

 

_Can i clear my conscience?_  
_Am i different from the rest?_  
_Do i have to run and hide? (oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh)_

The void. That was where he went. What happened in the void will always be left unspoken. What happened in the void made Loki regret letting go, made him regret falling. The happenings were worse than Odin’s punishments by miles. Loki never even thought that it was possible. The younger God had his mind twisted, possibly along with his body, his spirit, his views. Everything that happened after his time in the void was not a product of his doing. He never wanted to do this, no matter how much he thought low of himself and family.

He wished that he never attacked Midgard. He wished he was at least somewhat in control of his actions, however he was too much under the influence and control of the mind stone, sceptre as the Midgardian’s know as, to do so. To say he was terrified of winning the ‘Battle of New York’ was an understatement. If he wanted to win, he would not have been so straight forward and brash with his attempt. It was a plan made to fail. How did Thor not realise that this wasn’t Loki’s usual ways, he didn’t know. It goes to show how much his brother really knows him.

 

 

_I never said that i want this,_  
_This burden came to me,_  
_And it’s made it’s home inside.(oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh)_

Thor blamed it on his heritage. Thor blamed Loki being a Jötunn for the attack. It wasn’t that something was _wrong_. It wasn’t that it wasn’t how Loki normally acted. No, it was because of his _heritage_. Thor failed to realise the difference in the way the younger God spoke, in the way his ‘plan to rule Midgard’ was set out differently as to his older plans, he failed to realise that he was practically telling the Avengers what was going to happen -albeit it was subtle, but Natasha noticed it, once. Thor also failed to realise that his eye colour had changed. It had changed from an ice-y gray and pale green colour to a blue. It may have been difficult to notice, but Loki has hoped Thor had. Most importantly, Thor forgot that Loki never wanted to rule. Instead, the God of Thunder blamed his heritage.

Quite frankly, Loki was hurt by this, but he forced himself to not care, with help from the _beloved_ stone. He was hurt by Thor blaming Loki’s heritage, because if this happened before Thor knew, Loki was sure that the one, who he used to look up to, would try and find anything to defend his little brother with, even if the argument was small. The thought of being hit another Jötunn to Thor hurt, so he used it as a reason to cast himself out of this own family.

 

 

 

_If i told you what i was,_  
_Would you turn your back on me,_  
_And if i seem dangerous,_  
_Would you be scared?_  
_I get the feeling just because,_  
_Everything I touch isn’t dark enough,_  
_If the problem lies in me._

He didn’t care about his imprisonment. He wished that Odin gave him a harsher punishment tho, such as execution. He really had nothing left to live for. Imprisonment for life wasn’t near to what had went on in the void under the Bifrost. He was also too stubborn to admit that it wasn’t him in control, or was he afraid? Either way, Loki feared that Odin would not care. He never would have before, so what would be different now?

His silver tongue has turned to led, he can no longer even try and talk his way out. They’d all think he’s full of lies, what would be the point. He expected his ‘fate’. But there was always that thought of ‘you should have left me to die when you found me’.

 

 

 

_I’m only a man with a candle to guide me,_  
_I’m taking a stand to escape what’s inside me,_  
_A monster, a monster,_  
_I’ve turned into a monster,_  
_A monster, a monster,_  
_And it keeps getting stronger._

His last words to Frigga was ‘You’re Not’ in talking about her being his mother. If only he knew that they’d be last thing he’d ever say to her. He would have chosen something else, something more pleasant, something less _heartbreaking_. He regretted it, he really did. Not to mention the fact that he blames himself for her death. He was the one who told the _monster_ to take the stairs on the left, if only he knew that it would result in his mother’s death. She was the only real family he thought he had, and he blew it. He was too stubborn and naive to believe that she cared, that would never cast out her son. In trying to cast himself out, he brought pain upon the one true person who cared about him, and he hated himself for it. 

He despised being called Odinson, he loathed being called Laufeyson. None of them were his father, none of them ever will be. The only real parent he had was Frigga, and she’s gone. That’s when he decided to change. He would help out Thor, because that’s what Frigga would have wanted... and because Thor still loved Loki, and he knew that. Never would he admit that he loved his older brother back though, not after every that’s happened. 

_I’m only a man with a candle to guide me,_  
_I’m taking a stand to escape what’s inside me,_  
_A monster, a monster,_  
_I’ve turned into a monster,_  
_A monster, a monster,_  
_And it keeps getting stronger._


End file.
